I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
