2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
