Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
