I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize