Say something about gay babies.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
