Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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