my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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