She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize