I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize