Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize