Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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