My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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