i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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