They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
