please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
