If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I CAN MOONWALK!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
