Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize