Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
