No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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