Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
