hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
