I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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