If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
