you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My liver is preforming stress tests.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
