I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
