Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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