Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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