Having a random hookup so left but love u
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
