He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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