shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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