I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize