If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
