I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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