when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
