i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
