remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
