Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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