i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
