I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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