Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
