That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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