I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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