so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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