i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The Olympian is in my bed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
