I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
