Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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