remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize