We won't sleep together?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
