Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
