ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
