My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
