i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
