I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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