I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
