and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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