Who did Billy Mays play for?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
