There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
