I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
