youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
