i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
