Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
