The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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