I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
