Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We need to rekindle our bromance
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
