I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
