I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
