Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
