My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
