Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
